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Who has made you smile recently?
May. 7th, 2007 09:04 pmAs Mellors comes to the edge of the clearing he can hear the soft murmur of Walker's voice and it surprises him.
Their house is deep into the woods and visitors are extremely rare. Old Joe will stop now and then to check how their greenhouse is doing. One of Cook's minions will detour here on her way to the village when asked to deliver some special treat to the two men. But these are rare occurrences, so the Gamekeeper wonders who is it that the Blouseman is talking to.
He stops by an old oak and the scene he spies through its low, leafy branches brings a huge smile to his face.
Walker is sprawled in front of the house, bare feet deep into the lush grass, the two cats curled up at his sides.
Mellors can see his lips moving and can barely catch its low drawl, making out a word here and there.. something about rabbits holding tea parties down their rabbit holes. He's apparently telling them a story and the cats are listening. Santana with rapt fascination, green eyes open wide and barely blinking. Hendrix with an air of casual absorption, shifting now and then to smooth with his tongue a patch of fur but meowing imperiously when the Blouseman stops to take breath.
Tempted as he is to join them, Mellors stays back, hidden by the oak and enjoying the beauty of it. Smiling.
Their house is deep into the woods and visitors are extremely rare. Old Joe will stop now and then to check how their greenhouse is doing. One of Cook's minions will detour here on her way to the village when asked to deliver some special treat to the two men. But these are rare occurrences, so the Gamekeeper wonders who is it that the Blouseman is talking to.
He stops by an old oak and the scene he spies through its low, leafy branches brings a huge smile to his face.
Walker is sprawled in front of the house, bare feet deep into the lush grass, the two cats curled up at his sides.
Mellors can see his lips moving and can barely catch its low drawl, making out a word here and there.. something about rabbits holding tea parties down their rabbit holes. He's apparently telling them a story and the cats are listening. Santana with rapt fascination, green eyes open wide and barely blinking. Hendrix with an air of casual absorption, shifting now and then to smooth with his tongue a patch of fur but meowing imperiously when the Blouseman stops to take breath.
Tempted as he is to join them, Mellors stays back, hidden by the oak and enjoying the beauty of it. Smiling.
Who's your best friend, and why?
Apr. 25th, 2007 07:39 pmMy best friend?
Of course he's that. But not only that.. he's just about everything to me. Friend, lover, partner.. Can't think of other things off my head but if there are other things he's those for me as well.
Why? Why should there be a specific reason for it. I told you, my Blouseman is everything. He understands me, he cares for me, he shares the woods with me and he keeps me sane. He's the most honest, the most caring, the most beautiful person I have ever met in my life. And by beautiful I mean inside, though he's great to look at too.
I'll never stop thanking whatever fate brought him to me across the world and across time. And I'll never stop thanking him for choosing to stay with me, giving up his world, giving up comforts and things I can't even begin to imagine.
Oh, and he loves me. Did I mention that? No? Well, you know now.
Of course he's that. But not only that.. he's just about everything to me. Friend, lover, partner.. Can't think of other things off my head but if there are other things he's those for me as well.
Why? Why should there be a specific reason for it. I told you, my Blouseman is everything. He understands me, he cares for me, he shares the woods with me and he keeps me sane. He's the most honest, the most caring, the most beautiful person I have ever met in my life. And by beautiful I mean inside, though he's great to look at too.
I'll never stop thanking whatever fate brought him to me across the world and across time. And I'll never stop thanking him for choosing to stay with me, giving up his world, giving up comforts and things I can't even begin to imagine.
Oh, and he loves me. Did I mention that? No? Well, you know now.
Mellors lifted his head and squinted at the sun. He could tell that it was nearing midday and that soon he would be able to take a break from repairing the pheasant pens and go to have lunch with the Blouseman under the trees outside the greenhouse.
He rotated his neck and idly thought of the people up at the big house, of all the clocks they had around to tell them what time of the day it was... so damn weird.. didn't they have the sun and the moon and the sky changing colour to tell them that? Even the scent and feel of the air itself changed with the time of the day and you could tell by it what time it was even with your eyes closed..
He shook his head and shrugged, pitying them, then lifted his head again to the sun and winked at his own personal clock.
He rotated his neck and idly thought of the people up at the big house, of all the clocks they had around to tell them what time of the day it was... so damn weird.. didn't they have the sun and the moon and the sky changing colour to tell them that? Even the scent and feel of the air itself changed with the time of the day and you could tell by it what time it was even with your eyes closed..
He shook his head and shrugged, pitying them, then lifted his head again to the sun and winked at his own personal clock.
Amazing how dark and cold and empty were his nights before.
They're still sort of dark now.. after all he's just a gamekeeper and a gamekeeper cannot command the sun and moon to shine when he wants them, but something of the permanent sunlight that fills his days - all around the seasons - seems to linger from the day into the night.
But no one could say his nights are empty and cold now, what with the two cats curled up around each other at the end of the bed, ready to make a digruntled hiss filled with disapproval if one of the men dares stretch his legs too far and disturbs the warm, happy pile they make, and with the man curled up against Mellors' side, using his shoulder as a a pillow, his slow, even breath warm and reassuring against the gamekeeper's chest
Nights don't bother him now, they are filled with wonders.
They're still sort of dark now.. after all he's just a gamekeeper and a gamekeeper cannot command the sun and moon to shine when he wants them, but something of the permanent sunlight that fills his days - all around the seasons - seems to linger from the day into the night.
But no one could say his nights are empty and cold now, what with the two cats curled up around each other at the end of the bed, ready to make a digruntled hiss filled with disapproval if one of the men dares stretch his legs too far and disturbs the warm, happy pile they make, and with the man curled up against Mellors' side, using his shoulder as a a pillow, his slow, even breath warm and reassuring against the gamekeeper's chest
Nights don't bother him now, they are filled with wonders.
"I never thought I'd say this, but..."
Jan. 27th, 2007 04:37 pm"I never thought I'd say this but his Lordship was acting quite human today, all chatty and smiling and bursting with goodwill... Never saw him like this before, he really felt like a totally different person.." Mellors drops down on the armchair with a satisfied sigh and smiles as a large striped cat immediately jumps in his lap and makes himself comfortable.
"Maybe he had a shot of that fine whisky he keeps in his cellars. Or maybe he found my secret stash of dope..." Walker chuckles, sitting on the armrest to comb back the gamekeeper's tousled hair and massage his neck. "I don't really care about how he got in a state of bliss, what matters to me is that for once he seems to have treated you decently."
"That he did and I have to say I'm grateful that for once I've been able to go through a report without having to hear him ranting and criticizing. If only he were like that all the time..."
"Maybe he had a shot of that fine whisky he keeps in his cellars. Or maybe he found my secret stash of dope..." Walker chuckles, sitting on the armrest to comb back the gamekeeper's tousled hair and massage his neck. "I don't really care about how he got in a state of bliss, what matters to me is that for once he seems to have treated you decently."
"That he did and I have to say I'm grateful that for once I've been able to go through a report without having to hear him ranting and criticizing. If only he were like that all the time..."
Write about a memory of summer
Oct. 15th, 2006 09:22 amMellors sighs as he pours his tea and waits for the slice of bread he's put on the stove to warm up and toast a bit. The cats have had their milk already and are now grooming themselves, sparing him only a distracted glance when he sighs again. He doesn't like breakfasting alone, but Walker had to leave early this morning to meet someone down at the nurseries for a delivery.
Bread ready, he sits down at the table and reaches for the jar of jam Walker has left ready for him. As soon as he opens it a smile lights up his face as the scent of sugary, ripe peaches hits his nostrils.
Knife forgotten, he dips a finger into the jam and scoops some up to his lips, closing his eyes and remembering a summer day spent in the orchard
The grayish October light coming in from the window vanishes and he's back in the dappled green and gold shade of the peach orchard gathering peaches.. and tasting them on Walker's fingers, on his lips.
Bread ready, he sits down at the table and reaches for the jar of jam Walker has left ready for him. As soon as he opens it a smile lights up his face as the scent of sugary, ripe peaches hits his nostrils.
Knife forgotten, he dips a finger into the jam and scoops some up to his lips, closing his eyes and remembering a summer day spent in the orchard
The grayish October light coming in from the window vanishes and he's back in the dappled green and gold shade of the peach orchard gathering peaches.. and tasting them on Walker's fingers, on his lips.
What are your thoughts about monogamy?
Sep. 10th, 2006 07:20 pmMellors awoke slowly, a small pleased sound leaving his throat as he stretched in bed.
The dreams sleep had brought him had been good, still he was not reluctant to let them go. He knew he had no need to hold on onto them, what he had in real life was better than anything he could ever dream of.
He shifted in the bed and rolled around so that he could wrap his arm around the man that shared it, the same man that had been in his dream, the only man he ever loved.
The only man, period.
He couldn't even begin to imagine sharing himself and his life with someone else the way he had been doing with this beautiful golden man.
Of course he was monogamous.. When you have the best, when you have more than you could possibly dream of having, there is no room for anything or anyone else.
The dreams sleep had brought him had been good, still he was not reluctant to let them go. He knew he had no need to hold on onto them, what he had in real life was better than anything he could ever dream of.
He shifted in the bed and rolled around so that he could wrap his arm around the man that shared it, the same man that had been in his dream, the only man he ever loved.
The only man, period.
He couldn't even begin to imagine sharing himself and his life with someone else the way he had been doing with this beautiful golden man.
Of course he was monogamous.. When you have the best, when you have more than you could possibly dream of having, there is no room for anything or anyone else.
What doesn't kill us makes us stronger
Jul. 23rd, 2006 06:50 pmAye, sure... I agree that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, but I am not sure it does that in a positive way.
Because we are talking about a bad experience, right? And once you go through one, if the same thing happens to you again you are wary, and rightly so. But maybe the circumstances are different, maybe the person you're dealing with is not out to trick you, maybe this time one same thing might have a totally different outcome... And you being all spooked up and wary and unwilling to trust could skew things, make them take a different path..
So, aye, it didn't kill me, far from it, it made me stronger, but it also put up walls that were not there before. They are there to protect me, right so, been burnt once and all of that, but they're also there to keep others away, and maybe that's not a very good thing.
Because we are talking about a bad experience, right? And once you go through one, if the same thing happens to you again you are wary, and rightly so. But maybe the circumstances are different, maybe the person you're dealing with is not out to trick you, maybe this time one same thing might have a totally different outcome... And you being all spooked up and wary and unwilling to trust could skew things, make them take a different path..
So, aye, it didn't kill me, far from it, it made me stronger, but it also put up walls that were not there before. They are there to protect me, right so, been burnt once and all of that, but they're also there to keep others away, and maybe that's not a very good thing.
I am afraid the answer is quite obvious.. The woods.
Though I cannot really say that the woods are my retreat from the world, because in truth they are the world for me, my own private world, my only world. Instead of finding myself a retreat, I have let the retreat take over and the rest of the world fade away.
I don't like being away from my woods and the few times I've had to go into town with Sir Clifford I just couldn't wait to be back. Because I belong here.
I have said it several times before, these woods are special, they know things, they see what happens, they can make things happen. And I have proof of their magic, I have my special man and I know I owe them for bringing him here from another time and another place so that I could have his love.
Though I cannot really say that the woods are my retreat from the world, because in truth they are the world for me, my own private world, my only world. Instead of finding myself a retreat, I have let the retreat take over and the rest of the world fade away.
I don't like being away from my woods and the few times I've had to go into town with Sir Clifford I just couldn't wait to be back. Because I belong here.
I have said it several times before, these woods are special, they know things, they see what happens, they can make things happen. And I have proof of their magic, I have my special man and I know I owe them for bringing him here from another time and another place so that I could have his love.
Who was "the one that got away"?
May. 13th, 2006 07:13 pmMellors stood before Sir Clifford trying to look meek and humble.. contrite.. even as he was seething with fury inside. Fury addressed to himself as much as to His Lordship.
True, a poacher had managed to slip into the estate and had killed a deer, but the gamekeeper had been hot on his tail and the man had had to leave the carcase to flee, thus offering Sir Clifford and his companions a fine dinner of game drowned in innumerable bottles of the best claret.
And Mellors was far from done with the man who'd got away, he would chase him, he would find him, and he would teach him a lesson the man would not forget anytime soon. No one trespasses into the woods watched over by the gamekeeper...
But not now, now he had to stand there, looking apologetic and staring at a point beyond Sir Clifford's head, and wait for the useless storm of this useless man to pass.
True, a poacher had managed to slip into the estate and had killed a deer, but the gamekeeper had been hot on his tail and the man had had to leave the carcase to flee, thus offering Sir Clifford and his companions a fine dinner of game drowned in innumerable bottles of the best claret.
And Mellors was far from done with the man who'd got away, he would chase him, he would find him, and he would teach him a lesson the man would not forget anytime soon. No one trespasses into the woods watched over by the gamekeeper...
But not now, now he had to stand there, looking apologetic and staring at a point beyond Sir Clifford's head, and wait for the useless storm of this useless man to pass.
When Mellors comes, back the house is quiet. Walker is away, working in the greenhouse to tend his plants and get them ready for the transfer outdoors as soon as the weather settles.
The cats are playing on the floor, batting and chasing something, and he stoops to check what they’ve found to play with. Acorns, he realizes, picking up two and earning himself an annoyed hiss from Hendrix.
Mellors studies the two acorns, remembering how he has always been told by the old folks that acorns are magical and that they bring luck.
He knows his luck comes from the trees, that is why he loves them and guards them well, so his fingers close protectively over the two acorns.
One for him and one for Walker, he thinks, smiling to himself as he puts them in a pottery bowl on a high shelf where they can watch over them and bring them luck.
The cats are playing on the floor, batting and chasing something, and he stoops to check what they’ve found to play with. Acorns, he realizes, picking up two and earning himself an annoyed hiss from Hendrix.
Mellors studies the two acorns, remembering how he has always been told by the old folks that acorns are magical and that they bring luck.
He knows his luck comes from the trees, that is why he loves them and guards them well, so his fingers close protectively over the two acorns.
One for him and one for Walker, he thinks, smiling to himself as he puts them in a pottery bowl on a high shelf where they can watch over them and bring them luck.
I never really could understand what Her Ladyship thought of me, what she saw in me.
I know... She's something that belongs to the past and I should let it rest, especially seeing that now things are so different for me, now I can look into the blue eyes of a man who is a part of me and see his soul so clearly it never fails to take my breath away.
But still...
What was she thinking every time I had her against a tree or pulled her into the hut and pushed her down into the straw mattress? And why did she keep coming back for more? There had to be something behind that smooth face of her, behind those eyes that would never meet mine...
I guess that the reason why I want to know is that I always hoped she saw more in me than a body giving her pleasure, but then I guess I'm better off not knowing what she thought of me.
I know... She's something that belongs to the past and I should let it rest, especially seeing that now things are so different for me, now I can look into the blue eyes of a man who is a part of me and see his soul so clearly it never fails to take my breath away.
But still...
What was she thinking every time I had her against a tree or pulled her into the hut and pushed her down into the straw mattress? And why did she keep coming back for more? There had to be something behind that smooth face of her, behind those eyes that would never meet mine...
I guess that the reason why I want to know is that I always hoped she saw more in me than a body giving her pleasure, but then I guess I'm better off not knowing what she thought of me.
I am a most lucky man...
Though I've had a wife and I've had Her Ladyship, I never knew real love in my life until I met my Blouseman, so this only concerns my love for Walker.
But I have no sacrifice to offer here, because I never had to make any sacrifice for him, big or small.. none.. He's the most unselfish, the most generous man in the world. Anyone can see that just by looking into those blue eyes. And as the quirks of fate had it, he was the one who was called to make a sacrifice for me, the greatest sacrifice.. He was faced with the choice of going on with his life in another world, a world that had a lot more to offer than sharing a hut in the woods with a gamekeeper had, or staying with me.
He chose me and I'll never stop feeling humble and blessed at the same time because of that choice, because of what he gave up for me.
I would give everything for him.. everything.. no sacrifice would feel like one.
Though I've had a wife and I've had Her Ladyship, I never knew real love in my life until I met my Blouseman, so this only concerns my love for Walker.
But I have no sacrifice to offer here, because I never had to make any sacrifice for him, big or small.. none.. He's the most unselfish, the most generous man in the world. Anyone can see that just by looking into those blue eyes. And as the quirks of fate had it, he was the one who was called to make a sacrifice for me, the greatest sacrifice.. He was faced with the choice of going on with his life in another world, a world that had a lot more to offer than sharing a hut in the woods with a gamekeeper had, or staying with me.
He chose me and I'll never stop feeling humble and blessed at the same time because of that choice, because of what he gave up for me.
I would give everything for him.. everything.. no sacrifice would feel like one.
What does "karma" mean to you?
Dec. 24th, 2005 11:51 amKarma..
Yes, Mellors knows about it.. The word brings back memories of heat and dust, of strange smells and stranger habits, it brings back memories of India.
The Hindu soldiers in the Army had told him about karma, had explained that you lived and died and lived again in a circle and that what you did and how you behaved in each of these lives affected what would happen to you in the next one.
Karma then must mean that somewhere along the circle of his lives he must have done something right, something just about wonderful..
Because karma means to him that he lives in the woods he cares so much about. It means that one day, one day he will never forget, a door in time opened and a golden man stepped out of it and into the Gamekeeper's life and chose to stay with him and love him. It means that this life has given him all that he could ever dream or hope for.
Yes, Mellors knows about it.. The word brings back memories of heat and dust, of strange smells and stranger habits, it brings back memories of India.
The Hindu soldiers in the Army had told him about karma, had explained that you lived and died and lived again in a circle and that what you did and how you behaved in each of these lives affected what would happen to you in the next one.
Karma then must mean that somewhere along the circle of his lives he must have done something right, something just about wonderful..
Because karma means to him that he lives in the woods he cares so much about. It means that one day, one day he will never forget, a door in time opened and a golden man stepped out of it and into the Gamekeeper's life and chose to stay with him and love him. It means that this life has given him all that he could ever dream or hope for.
Mellors sighs and turns. Then turns again, and again, asleep but restless.
He's dreaming, but the dream is not taking him along his usual paths, paths that are made of green and gold and brown, depending on the season. This way is different.. Its palette is made entirely by shades of grey and this place smells just of sea and mist, as if earth, the solid brown earth he's used, plays no role in it.
In the dream he moves along waterways, feeling the very ground shift and sigh under his feet.
He creeps closer to the walls of the old buildings, but they offer no comfort.. The water seems to have permeated them too, making them a no man's land, suspended between sky and water, with only a distant memory of what earth really is.
The same cold clamminess is on his skin when he wakes up abruptly, the dream still lingering with him, making him sit up in bed and look around to make sure of his whereabouts.
Then a warm arm reaches out for him and he's grounded again, he's home and the waterplace in the dream fades.
He's dreaming, but the dream is not taking him along his usual paths, paths that are made of green and gold and brown, depending on the season. This way is different.. Its palette is made entirely by shades of grey and this place smells just of sea and mist, as if earth, the solid brown earth he's used, plays no role in it.
In the dream he moves along waterways, feeling the very ground shift and sigh under his feet.
He creeps closer to the walls of the old buildings, but they offer no comfort.. The water seems to have permeated them too, making them a no man's land, suspended between sky and water, with only a distant memory of what earth really is.
The same cold clamminess is on his skin when he wakes up abruptly, the dream still lingering with him, making him sit up in bed and look around to make sure of his whereabouts.
Then a warm arm reaches out for him and he's grounded again, he's home and the waterplace in the dream fades.
I have a fairly easy life here in the woods of Wragby Hall, a charmed life as my Blouseman calls it. I guess most of you wold say that I have no need to relax because I have very little cause to feel pressure.
Still there are times when I get home angry.. when some poachers have been in my woods and during my rounds I find little creatures trapped in their snares, not even dead, just trapped and suffering.. or when I have to go up to the Hall to see His Lordship.. he seems to bring out the worst in me and when he gives me his orders I feel the blood rushing around and around in my veins, like a brook after a bad storm..
But it doesn't take much for things to calm down again and for me to relax... I only need to take the trail that goes through the woods and leads to the clearing where we have our home. Even before I get there, I know that as soon as I open the door two pesky cats will twine themselves around my ankles and try to trip me and that my man will be there and will look at me as if I'm the most wonderful thing he's ever seen.
He has blue eyes, and they're so clear and guileless that they put the summer sky to shame. The only thing I need to do to relax and forget about any care the day has brought me is look into them.
Still there are times when I get home angry.. when some poachers have been in my woods and during my rounds I find little creatures trapped in their snares, not even dead, just trapped and suffering.. or when I have to go up to the Hall to see His Lordship.. he seems to bring out the worst in me and when he gives me his orders I feel the blood rushing around and around in my veins, like a brook after a bad storm..
But it doesn't take much for things to calm down again and for me to relax... I only need to take the trail that goes through the woods and leads to the clearing where we have our home. Even before I get there, I know that as soon as I open the door two pesky cats will twine themselves around my ankles and try to trip me and that my man will be there and will look at me as if I'm the most wonderful thing he's ever seen.
He has blue eyes, and they're so clear and guileless that they put the summer sky to shame. The only thing I need to do to relax and forget about any care the day has brought me is look into them.
I don't know if the someone who has received the present will see it like that - cats can sure be a nuisance now and then *glares at striped cat playing with his big toe and unravelling wool thread from his sock and hisses 'stop it, Hendrix' * - but I think the best present I have ever given to my Blouseman someone is a cat.
He's a sweet cat, nothing like that little devil. See? *scoops up a black cat with big green eyes and a shy look, smiles sappily as cat curls up in his lap and starts to purr*.
He's called Santana and he was a little lost thing when I found him. I couldn't bear to leave him there, I knew he was not wanted and there are places where unwanted things who mewl and scratch at your door and are hungry have a way of disappearing never to be seen again.
So I took it home with me as a present for my love.
He's a sweet cat, nothing like that little devil. See? *scoops up a black cat with big green eyes and a shy look, smiles sappily as cat curls up in his lap and starts to purr*.
He's called Santana and he was a little lost thing when I found him. I couldn't bear to leave him there, I knew he was not wanted and there are places where unwanted things who mewl and scratch at your door and are hungry have a way of disappearing never to be seen again.
So I took it home with me as a present for my love.
The first time I saw...
Jul. 10th, 2005 09:28 amI'll never tire of remembering the first time I saw him, my beautiful golden man..
He was standing in the middle of the path, a stranger in my woods and a very strange one judging from his clothing..
The sun was shining down on him, turning his hair to gold and making his skin look like burnished gold. His shirt was open and I could see a hammer-shaped medallion glint on his chest, half-hidden among a pelt of hair. Suddenly I wanted to run my hands through those hair, and I'd never touched a man, not in the way I now wanted to, not in the way I wanted to touch this man.
The woods had let him through, and there had to be a reason for it. And he was so beautiful...
So the shotgun remained on my shoulder and my words to him were kinder than the ones I would normally have used with a trespasser.
We moved fast from there, and I am not a fast man, but it was just meant to be.
He was standing in the middle of the path, a stranger in my woods and a very strange one judging from his clothing..
The sun was shining down on him, turning his hair to gold and making his skin look like burnished gold. His shirt was open and I could see a hammer-shaped medallion glint on his chest, half-hidden among a pelt of hair. Suddenly I wanted to run my hands through those hair, and I'd never touched a man, not in the way I now wanted to, not in the way I wanted to touch this man.
The woods had let him through, and there had to be a reason for it. And he was so beautiful...
So the shotgun remained on my shoulder and my words to him were kinder than the ones I would normally have used with a trespasser.
We moved fast from there, and I am not a fast man, but it was just meant to be.
